As I write this, I’m sitting on my back porch alone, finishing up a sermon, relishing a rainstorm and the breeze that tagged along with it. In telling you this, I worry, you might imagine I’m having some perfect summer - kids happily at camp while I work from home in the mornings, afternoons open for adventures or lazy days together. But the truth is, I spend my days trying my best to dissolve fights and meet a variety of needs, driving kids around, listening to more talking than I knew possible, and serving endless meals and snacks, all while trying to maintain my same workload and (I guess) keep up with the house. This summer is far from how I hoped it would look, far from ideal.
Summer is weird! So many of us put pressure on ourselves this time of year — idealizing the season into something completely unattainable.
Some parents feel the need to create this perfect time away from school for their kids. They curate activities and learning experiences with carefully chosen camps (which, of course, were scheduled in January), the best swim lessons, and impressive family vacations.
Some parents push back, saying summer should be slow and spontaneous, and kids should play outside all day — drinking from the hose, riding bikes in little packs around the neighborhood, staying off screens.
And still, some feel pressure to live up to the endless stream of messages about how our bodies should look and feel this time of year. Messages of how to look better in a swimsuit and messages that you shouldn’t care at all. There is pressure to get in the pool with your kids when you just want to savor the quiet. While well-meaning, the #proofofmom movement adds another layer of stress, another thing to add to our to-do list of how to be a good mom.
Perhaps, it’s less complicated than all that, and you just want to slow down a little, but your job gears up in the summer with more travel, or a special session was called, or camp doesn’t start until 9 and ends at 3, so you’re working evenings and weekends to make it work.
This idealization of summer (in whatever form it may take) is out of reach for most of us — finances, jobs, heat warnings, toddlers, and a host of other reasons stand in the way.
When this lands in your inbox, my older kids will be halfway through their summer break. We’ve taken a day trip to the beach, played board games, attended a half-day camp, we’ve watched too much TV and not worried about it, and later in the summer, we have a family trip planned to the mountains.
Meanwhile, I’ve sent emails while they played at the park and been the parent at swim lessons giving a thumbs up while sending a voice memo. I’ve been late to camp pick-up (because 9-12 is basically no time) and served sandwiches or cereal for more meals than I’d like to count.
Last night, while at dinner with friends, we discussed road trips, which my family takes most summers. One friend admitted she wasn’t really looking forward to her upcoming trip, and so I shared my one piece of family road trip advice — lower your expectations and name the good.
That’s where I want to land today, and that’s how I’ll be alongside you in the next few months. I’m going to lower my expectations — whatever they may be. I’ll settle into the reality of my situation — it's freakin hot, I don’t have sufficient childcare, I’ll be listening to Imagine Dragons in the car on repeat…
And yet! I want to name the moments that sneak in and surprise me — a long dinner with girlfriends, a movie date with my daughter, an afternoon swimming with friends where we have too much fun to take any pictures — a quiet morning on my patio while it rains.
always alongside you,
Holly
P.S. I’d love for you to share in the comments how your summer is going. What good can you name that you weren’t expecting?
A Few Good Things:
A Very Low Key Summer Checklist from Cup of Jo