I plan to return next week with something new to share, but while you wait, I hope you’ll enjoy these thoughts on Luke 13 and freedom.
The original version of this essay appeared in the Anam Cara newsletter early last year, and you can find it on their website here.
Recently, I preached from Luke 13 about the woman whose “spirit had crippled her for 18 years.” She was bent over and unable to stand up straight when Jesus calls to her, saying, “Woman, you are set free from your ailment.”
The story unfolds with religious leaders complaining about Jesus healing on the Sabbath. Jesus calls them out for treating their own animals, which they give water to on the sabbath, better than this daughter of Abraham. The story ends this way— “the entire crowd was rejoicing at all the wonderful things he was doing.” There are so many ways to read this story, but what stood out for me was the idea that in order to be set free, we need first to know and then name what we are in bondage to.
I began to explore that question, rolling it around in my hand like dice. Saying to myself, “you are set free.” I said it over and over for weeks. I held the story close—the importance of my voice as a woman, the invitation to stand tall, and, of course, the promise of freedom. But still, I wondered. What did I need to be set free from? What was I in bondage to?
More recently, at my spiritual direction apprenticeship gathering, we were given space for rest and renewal, instead of teaching or praxis. If it felt right, we were encouraged to walk and think through a guided set of questions. Not far from my house is an Episcopal church with a labyrinth. As I headed in that direction, I felt the heaviness of my roles—mother, wife, pastor, daughter, friend, spiritual director, and on and on (and on). I couldn’t clear my head enough to focus on the reflection questions in our guide, and I noticed that my body was tensing.
As I slowly wove through the labyrinth, I rolled my shoulders, adjusted my posture, and stretched my neck as I prayed. As I rounded each corner, I let go of the overwhelm just a little. I felt more and more present and connected—both to self and God. As I neared the center, I realized that the tightness was loosening. I could feel my body relaxing. And then, the story of the bent-over woman in the temple came to me. I could see her; I imagined Jesus calling to her and bending over to meet her eyes. But then I stopped; I could not for the life of me remember what it was he said to her. Why couldn’t I remember? It hadn’t been long since I was saying those words over and over.
I continued to walk, and after some time, a wave washed over me, and I recalled Jesus’ words: “woman, you are set free.” And at once, I felt it. The freedom of those words. I laughed out loud! I was surprised and delighted—I felt free. The burden of the roles I play cleared out, even if only for a moment as I heard it again “woman, you are set free.”
When I returned to the group, I shared my experience, and someone pointed out that Jesus called her—called me—woman. Yes, I am a mother, a friend, a pastor—but first, I am a woman, a person. First, I am me.
I don’t have these types of experiences often, and even in writing this, it’s hard to recall the details — did I laugh out loud? Had my body tensed and then relaxed so quickly? I suppose the details don’t matter as much as my response. Will I choose to live as a person who has been set free?
What am I in bondage to? Everything, I suppose. The groans of creation. My overwhelm and stress. The fear of using my voice, fear of what others might think or say, fear of not using my voice — but mostly the inability to believe I am set free.
So I write the words on a Post-it and stick it to my desk. I type them into a note on my phone. I imagine where I might tattoo the words — all in hopes of not forgetting them so quickly next time. When I go back to fear, when I hunch over in shame, when I tense up and forget who I am, may I remember those gentle words of Jesus — you are set free.
Links & Spiritual Direction News
I have a few open spots for directees! As a spiritual direction apprentice, I am taking on directees (both in person and virtually) for free as I learn and grow in the practice. You can read more about my apprenticeship training here, see my bio at the bottom of this page and read a little about my philosophy of spiritual direction here. If spiritual direction is something that you or someone you know might be interested in, please reach out. I can be contacted at hollyporterphillips@gmail.com.
Mark your calendar for my next mini-retreat: Preparing for Lent on Tuesday, February 13th from 11:30 am - 1 pm CT. More information to come!