Caring for Others Amidst the Noise
+ info about my upcoming advent mini-retreat
I arrived back in Austin late Sunday night after spending four days at a retreat for spiritual directors in the mountains of Colorado. The slow-moving days, the space to think, pray and learn, the friendships and laughter were such a gift. The theme for the retreat was Ease and the name was spot on. An opportunity to rest, laugh, hike, and be led was exactly what I needed.
The following essay I wrote before I left town, but I’ll be back next week with a few thoughts from the retreat and advent resources.
I live just south of a large protected green space in Austin. Walnut Creek Metropolitan Park has a playground, pool, and other typical amenities. It also has 15 miles of hiking and biking trails, including some that lead to limestone bluffs and a large creek (Walnut Creek), which is the largest tributary stream of the Colorado River in Texas. The park is about 300 acres, but the Walnut Creek watershed spans about 26,000 acres in and around Austin.
Even though we live in the middle of a large city, the wildlife in our neighborhood won’t let us forget that such a large green space is nearby. I see deer on walks. Raccoons and opossums visit our backyard most nights. My bird feeder sees a wide variety of species, and I have even spied the occasional skunk. Much more rare, is the sighting of a fox. I saw on the neighborhood facebook group last spring that a mama fox was keeping her babies under a neighbor’s back deck. My husband has spied a few on evening walks, but until recently, I hadn’t seen one with my own eyes.
Last week, as I drove home from dropping off my youngest at preschool, I saw a fox dead on the side of the road. I felt a pang of grief that surprised me and I’m certain it had something to do with one of my favorite Mary Oliver poems.
In Oliver’s poem titled Red, she depicts two dying foxes on the side of the road, each singing its death song… while the cars kept coming. The poem comes to mind when I hear about someone facing an unexpected illness when a friend miscarries or experiences a job loss. And, of course, in my grief and my disappointment, I become the fox. The cars keep coming, don’t they? The world cannot stop for the grief or the pain that we will all have and experience.
But I wonder, can we carve out time to slow down our cars, even just a little — and not just slow enough to throw a restaurant gift card out the window— but slow enough to be a witness to others in their grief? To walk alongside them. To not be so busy that we can't stop to say a prayer or send a card, much less take a meal or listen to their story.
I’m not exactly sure what this looks like practically, and I know that a few weeks ago, I wrote about the busy season we’re coming up on and ways to “fit in” prayer when it feels like we don’t have time for it. There is a reason the theme of slowness weaves throughout my writing — it’s a constant work in progress for me. But these words from Mary Oliver and seeing the fox on the side of the road beg me to not only slow down and to notice but to act.
In the poem, the speaker stops her car. She picks up the fox and carries him into a field. She listens to his death song and says goodbye to the light of his eye… while the cars kept coming. I wonder what it might look like for us to do the same. The cars move fast this time of year; how might we care for others amidst the noise of the highway?
Links & Spiritual Direction News
I’d love to crowd-source this a little and hear ways that you’ve been cared for in hard seasons. Add a comment — you might spark someone else’s imagination on how they can care for others. I’ll be leaving a few comments too! I talk about one in this essay — Grief and Cookies and God with Us.
On November 30th, I’m offering a virtual Preparing to Wait mini-retreat from 7:30-9pm CT. It will be a spacious time to prayerfully consider how you would like to enter the Advent season. The Preparing to Wait mini-retreat will be donation-based for those who are able, but otherwise free. If you would like to attend, please email me at hollyporterphillips@gmail.com and I will add you to the list to receive more information and the Zoom link. If you are unable to attend but are interested in the material, send me an email, and I will send you self-guided materials after November 30th. This event is open to anyone, so please feel free to share.
As a spiritual direction apprentice, I am taking on directees (both in person and virtually) for free as I learn and grow in the practice. You can read more about my apprenticeship training here, see my bio at the bottom of this page and read a little about my philosophy of spiritual direction here. If spiritual direction is something that you or someone you know might be interested in, please reach out! I can be contacted at hollyporterphillips@gmail.com.
You were amazing at caring for me in the hard seasons- texts every day when my baby was in the NICU and helping with childcare during an unexpected car accident within minutes. ❤️ It was such a gift to know you were with me.