Beloved Baptism
A Baptismal Story from Ashley Valenzuela
As I mentioned before, we are spending the season of Lent telling stories. As we wait for the light to return, as we wait for Easter, for resurrection, for new life, we’ll answer together: How did you come to the waters? and Where has the Spirit taken you since that day? Guest writers and friends will join us each week, and I hope you will too!
You may not resonate with everything you read, and that is okay, even the point. Storytelling is a window into another perspective. Another way of viewing the world. Storytelling connects us to experiences we might otherwise never encounter. These stories will remind us that there are as many expressions of life with God as there are people.
As a young child, I was keenly aware of the Spirit within and around me, drawing me closer to connection with the Divine. My parents were not active in a church community, yet I longed for a church to attend like I did as a young girl with my grandparents. One day, I decided to dig through the phone book to find a church. I found a local church that seemed close by and gave the number a ring. I can still vividly remember listening to the recording on the church answering machine that told me the times and days for their services and events. That congregation was the faith community that cared for me throughout middle school and part of high school.
In the summer before 9th grade, I attended church camp with my youth group. It was such a gorgeous and warm Texas summer, complete with the sound of cicadas, the warmth so dense it felt like a hug, and the beautiful, cold Blanco River rolling alongside our campground. This time at camp was extraordinary for me. I remember viscerally several moments where I sensed the Spirit with me and times where I felt deeply at home with God and resonated with being a daughter of God. Towards the end of camp, there was an opportunity to be baptized. I knew that it was the right time to be baptized (despite my parents being bummed later that I did not wait for them to be around). There was something freeing and almost magical about being in that frigid water as an independent young woman, choosing to be baptized. I left camp with a renewed passion for my relationship with the Lord and an unshakable knowing that I belonged to Christ.
A few months into 9th grade, I started a ministry on my 9th-grade campus. I invited many friends, and we had a fantastic first gathering. I preached a sermon (I would not have called it a sermon then— I thought I was just explaining the scriptures) on a passage from James, chapter 3, about the power of the tongue. My friends and I left that first meeting with a renewed passion for following Christ together. Yet, things took a turn for my faith and ministry in the second semester of 9th grade. This was the semester when I realized that I was indeed gay and was in love with my friend of 4 years. Turns out she felt the same way, too. As I began to “come out” to my family and church community, I was bombarded with harmful theologies that told me I needed to either choose to be gay or choose to love God.
After many years of trying to “choose God,” I finally found a church community in my early 20s that reminded me that I am and always will be God’s beloved child. I began to shed those harmful words I was told and completely deconstructed and rebuilt my faith. One day, while driving alone in my car, I realized that the same Spirit that had been with me as a little girl was the same Spirit that was with me at that exact moment. I knew without a doubt that the Spirit would never abandon me and that no one could tell me I didn’t belong to Christ.
As I re-read the story of Jesus’ baptism, I was stunned at the connections between my baptism and his baptism as told in the Gospel of Mark. The writer says that Jesus was baptized right before entering the wilderness to be tempted for 40 days. He was empowered by “the Spirit descending on him like a dove” (Mark 1:10) and heard the voice of God saying to him, “You are my beloved son, with you I am well-pleased” (Mark 1:11). As I look back now upon the story of my baptism, I realize that I was baptized right before one of the most trying times of my life. I genuinely was headed into a wilderness that lasted for many years. This wilderness was where I had to fight with all my strength to withstand the storms that came my way.
I could not see it then, but I am convinced that something holy and mighty happened at my baptism. As I look back in awe at how a 14-year-old young woman could withstand that lonely place in the wilderness, I am confident that the same Spirit that descended upon Jesus descended upon me that day. I am convinced that the same voice of the Divine was whispering in my ear, “You are my beloved; with you, I am well pleased.” I believe my baptism empowered me with a resilience that allowed me to walk through the wilderness and come out on the other side, still believing and knowing that I AM a beloved child of God. The Spirit led me to those waters and still leads me to this day. I am so grateful to the loving One who whispers to each of us, “You are my beloved.”
Ashley is passionate about living an embodied life of love toward God, self, and others. As a recent seminary grad, she is exploring the ways she is called to share her gifts and her creative expression. She currently resides in Austin, TX with her wife and kids and serves as the pastor of the sweetest little congregation. Outside of her ministry endeavors, you can typically find her with her loved ones or in the great outdoors, usually hugging a tree. Ashley is founder of Go Love Our World (GLOW). Connect with her here: goloveourworld.org
What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing it, Ashley.